Sometimes your mind lies to you
At least mine does.
Not an obvious one like the sky is green when it is clearly blue.
But the 7 times I noted that I annoyed my friend in the last hour
The type of lie that when I get up to leave,
hoping to relieve myself of the embarrassment confusion paints her grave instead of relief.
Did I miss something?
I guess I misread the signs.
or maybe the microexpressions I try so hard to decipher.
Misjudging silence for anger.
I don’t really know how to explain these lies in my path .
Apart of the problem is that the right words breathe life into them.
I find when the lies get louder I struggle not to crack my knuckles and butcher my cuticles as my mind goes blank. Drifting to safer destinations.
Hoping to transport myself to a place where the weight of these lies don’t weigh as much.
I don’t remember a time without them.
Not observing the slight changes in the atmosphere of a room
or the shifts in people’s expressions in to prepare for the worst.
It’s my protection.
At least that’s the lie it tells me.