As I lay down for the night I turn on surround sound as I stare amongst the scenic ceiling of white paint.
Im engulfed in the loudness of silence in the midst of swirling thoughts.
Choices.. Contradictions.. Chaos.. Confusion.. Childhood.. Church.. Challenges.. Companionship.. Cuddles..
A Charcuterie board of my current state of mind, with a distracted appetite to devour it all.
So I must escape again without being noticed at a table set for many, but an invitation only sent to one… that one being me.
But maybe one bite won’t hurt, just a taste and plus I see a spoon that says “Stay”…
The first course set before me, a warm soup of the past. Soothing and comforting, familiar…yet an after linger of tears.
I inquire for the chef of this dish but they have vanished behind the door of closure.
I ask for another bowl but my request is denied, the waiter acknowledging wanting more of a life I can’t hold onto only continues to disappointments.
The second course arrives, the main course a reflection of who I used to be and who I want to become.
A hearty meal that I can’t exactly pinpoint what im eating but I taste who I want to be with an aroma of who I used to be. Flavors of the journey ahead, seasoned with the sprinkles of challenges and triumphs.
I notice this time around the waiter offers patience and understanding as what is being swallowed takes more time to appreciate.
Even after I am done with the last bite a moment of reflection is allowed to remember all what I have indulged in.
I grin a bit feeling a sense of peace within, and then im presented with the last course.
Dessert, a decadent and savory piece of accomplishment in addressing my navigations of life thus far.
I ask for the chef again then realize were I am…
In my room, By myself.. Realizing I am my own chef curating the life I plan to indulge in.
Seeing that the best thing to do is take a deep breath, create a menu of decisions in lieu of unknown circumstances at times, take a seat at the table of life…
And place an order to live it, laugh in it, love it through all my anxieties of what it shall hold each day.
-Huemanity
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