Recently I was listening to Amy Poehler’s Podcast and how, part of her motivation was seeing how many men do the bare minimum. The conversation went forward into how we are constantly hearing how we need to “give 100%” and be “improving ourselves”. I mean, honestly, who has not thought about this phenomenon, especially millennial women. Tell me you don’t wake up and go think of your 55-line schedule for the day. It includes a specific coffee, mushroom, turmeric, matcha – whatever is being pitched to fix our never-ending fatigue. A 45-step skin care routine, a specific wardrobe for the season, tailoring, trend, and “vibe” we are giving.
What even is the vibe anymore? Who is not waking up in this black mirror episode of a year and just saying, let me survive with my sanity and a diet coke please?
The improvement concept is dark.
It consistently seems aimed at women. Are men asked to improve themselves? I have failed to see the constant headlines. They have had two thousand years of getting to ride the line. As women can we get a bar lower? Even just the middle line, I would take it for a week.
I know men have their own quandaries. I understand the “left behind” phenomenon dominating the manosphere conversations. I know gender identity, cultural norm conversations, and control are all deeply rooted within each other. I hold sympathy for that. Though as a woman, it is hard to see how we are not always on the judging table.
Constant improvement implies a constant lack of.
Do not contrarian me with the but moment. I understand the motivation to be a good human. However, have we now conflated being a good person, or even a successful person, as someone who has never ending staircase syndrome?
This comes from an X-fashion girl who did not sleep her entire twenties, carried heavy things for the most mediocre window displays, went to the events they were told, and ended up crashing out of exhaustion by thirty. Staircase theory had me in its clutch from the time I was twenty-three and received my first large promotion. After that, I “improved myself” through five state moves, multiple company contracts, and eventually a digestion system that was failing because I never had time to eat and sleep. I have done cleansing. I have done every skin care trend you can imagine. I have changed my wardrobe forty times over. I read organizing theories and memoirs of successful industry experts. I did not feel improved. I felt like I missed nap time.
I have changed industries, and I can tell you; mental fatigue is worse than physical. I have read more books than I can count on economics, global trade, political strategy, social commentary, immigration, social media, mental health – the list goes on. I have heard amazingly successful individuals speak, describe success and talent. I have had the jobs. Good and bad. I live many lives in one. Academic. Factual. Brand oriented. City. Suburban. All these roads lead to their own versions of burnout. Especially for women in these “have it all” generations. What if we don’t want it all? What if I want what I want and that is my version of success without a staircase drop-off?
Think about the architypes explained as aspirational. They are either based in a realm of constant career success, or completely suburban orientated as a wife, mother, and maybe you bake sourdough every day? There are specific molds we are expected to fill. But wait, now there are additions to the mold to “improve” your mold to be even better.
At what point are people allowed to live? The conversation that we constantly need to be improving leaves an enormous gap that the molds will always be, and were always, flawed. That is basic human nature. Living in a time where the expectation is perfection plus, is it a wonder the average person is telling you they just feel exhausted?
While some may believe in the improvement theory, and honestly, good for you, I do not see how us constantly attempting to fill a perfectionism narrative is going to end well for anyone. Humans are messy creatures. If we know anything, we know that. Can we just embrace the human existence and leave perfection to Pizza? Because honestly that is the only thing I find needing no work.